{a-pie-calypse now} How To: Fix a F***ed Up Pie Crust

I just finished fighting with a pie crust. It looked like the pie was definitely going to beat me this time, but in the end I prevailed… because I have tricks up my sleeve.

A lot of people think that professional training and years cooking in restaurants might protect you from kitchen disasters. I wish! No, today, this pie crust was being such a bastard. It was so smooshy and melty and it was hot out and I was in a hurry and I didn’t have time to chill it enough and even when I tried that it still misbehaved. So if you find yourself in this situation, frustrated to no end and shocked that an inanimate lump of dough could have such a profound effect on your mood and well-being… here is what I recommend.

In my case the bottom crust was already in the pie pan, and believe me, it was completely jacked up. Of course, the beauty of a bottom crust is that it’s getting covered up, so as long as you patch all the holes you’re good to go. I had actually planned to use this pie-making session do a whole blog post lesson on how to make a lattice, but after the bottom crust debacle, there was no way that was going to happen. So, I took the bottom crust parts that were hanging over the edge and folded them in, on top of the filling. That looked just awful. So I rolled out the remaining dough that had been reserved for the lattice and cut different-sized circles out with scalloped cookie cutters. I placed them strategically over the hideous folds, overlapping them and pressing them down gently. And then: the final but key step. I made an egg wash by whisking an egg, a pinch of salt, and a dash of cream together and brushed them lightly on top of the crust. A sprinkling of turbinado sugar over the egg wash, and into the oven.

People kept commenting on my fancy-looking pie. Ha! I win.