{recipe, kind of} I Tried That One Ingredient Banana Ice Cream Thing and Here is What I Think About It

Have you all seen this one ingredient banana “ice cream” thing that’s been going around? I know you have seen it. It seems like it has taken over the internet. Here is the concept: you cut up bananas, you freeze them, then put them in the food processor and they turn into magical banana “ice cream” except OMG YOU’RE JUST EATING A BANANA SO IT’S TOTALLY HEALTHY. I’ve noticed that there is an unspoken rule that when you talk about it you have to use lots of exclamation points!! Because it’s so awesome and magical!! I have been meaning to try it to see if it really worked and I’m here to tell you… meh. 

Everything seemed like it was going pretty well when I put it in the food processor, but it melted really quickly, like immediately, which is weird, because BANANAS. It tastes OK but really a lot like blueberries. Just kidding! Of course it just tastes like bananas, silly. So to solve that whole, this-just-tastes-exactly-like-bananas-but-kind-of-a-good-texture-yet-weirdly-melting problem, I had to add like half a bag of chocolate chips, which might make you think I am no longer getting the health benefits of eating a virgin banana. Well, you are wrong because if I were a man then the chocolate totally just prevented me from having a stroke right now, so there. I’m confident that more research will prove it’s legit for women some day.

In sum, I think that this is something I would make for my kids, and be like “Hey guys, it’s family ice cream night! Yay! Gather round the best mom ever, I bet your friends don’t get ice cream all the time, haha” and we would share loving smiles and hugs and then I’d give them some of this frozen banana mess while I secretly dish myself some Bi-Rite salted caramel ice cream. Then I would say something like “Mommy’s ice cream has coffee and gin in it, YUCKY” so they won’t taste it and realize they are getting punked and just eating a frozen banana that took a trip around the food processor. And then someday they will realize I have secretly been giving them fake ice cream for years and we will all have a good hearty laugh about how I was just doing what’s best for them and their growing bodies they will need to spend years in therapy because my chronic lying gave them an eating disorder.

(Also it’s important to note for the above scenario that so far I only have one kid and he is only 6 months old but I like to think about how I’m going to be a great mom with a whole bunch of kids, and I will make them healthy treats and spend time doing craft projects with them instead of feeding them DiGiorno in front of the TV every night while I drink a bottle of wine and go on Facebook. At the very least I am pretty confident I will never sink as low as sketti. But time will tell, people. Time will tell.)

I think if you were dieting, vegan, or a bonobo this fake ice cream could be a viable option if the other option is nothing. But it’s not that much better than just eating a banana and takes a lot more effort so I’m pretty solid on my “meh” rating.

Oh and I bet someone will say “Add Nutella! Or honey! Or peanut butter!” Because wherever this “recipe” is posted, people say that kind of stuff and they (of course) use exclamation points. But no thanks, I don’t like those things with bananas.

So have any of you tried it? What do you think?

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