Did you know you could buy a 25 lb. bucket of lard from Wal-Mart?

Hey, now, I might use a little lard if I’m making some tricky authentic Mexican recipe, or a pie crust (although I tend to favor Crisco for that) but regardless, I have never needed to buy it in more than 1-lb increments. I can’t imagine what you would need 25 lbs. for all at the same time. It has 105,000 calories all in that bucket. Assuming an appropriate calorie intake of 2000 calories a day, you could just eat a fistful out of that bucket once a day for 2 months and nothing else and get all of your calorie intake. GROSS.

He looks so happy! But there is a story behind all of this, of course. A story by a vegan.

No words needed. Maybe just a heavy gagging sound. Or the sound of me choking on my own vomit.

UPDATE: as a commenter noted this is not a real product, but a ThinkGeek.com April Fool’s joke. Real or fake, it’s still gag-worthy.

One thing I did not consider when naming this blog was that the google search on the names and terms would yield daily doses of gross. You may be surprised to know that people do really GROSS things with meathooks that have nothing to do with meat. Like this. Or this. Or even this. Spoiler alert: the last link is a person hanging from a tree by a meathook. On purpose. Alive. Oops, did I ruin the ending for you? My bad.

Anyway, this week the google alert involved how to clean a pig you just killed and I wanted to share it with you because the setup is that a guy asks the question on this forum, and this OTHER guy, a total stranger, writes like a 6 page manual on how to clean the pig, just as one long run-on comment. Meanwhile, the other commenters just post links. So here you go- it’s not as tasty as what happens on this blog, but it’s still a lot less gross than the other things we talked about. Thank you, internetz. Now I know the first step post-kill is to “plug up his rectum then use your gut hook to unzip him clear to his chin.” That will come in handy someday, I’m SURE of it.

Happy Halloween! So, it’s a cute idea to put gooey candy into plastic Star Wars lightsabers, right?

Oh wait. Picture a kid trying to get the candy out. Um… creepy and perverse. Not helpful that it’s called “spliquid.”