I was cooking with red wine just now, and had about half an open bottle, so I thought, heck, it’s Friday afternoon, I’m going to make myself a kalimotxo!

Kalimotxo (pronounced kah-lee-MOO-choe)  is a fancy Basque word meaning “1/2 red wine and 1/2 cola”. About 20 years ago we had a Basque exchange student and my family has been drinking them ever since.

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The Lush Collection from Bright Lights, Little City, is all about making light fixtures out of cocktail umbrellas dipped in phosphorescent paint. The shocking thing is that they actually look pretty cool. Because what I just described sounds like what your 2nd grader made in art class.

They look even better turned on, as in the picture on the right. The big ones (shown) are $85 and the prices go down from there for other styles. I was thinking about just stealing the idea and making them myself but at that price why bother?

Gin and tonic? That’s like sooooo 5 minutes ago. OK so it’s actually like sooooo British-colonial-India-before-partition ago but I was talking about it as a retro trend. Anyhow, I realize that I’ve only just started writing this and I’m already grossly off-topic so let me get to the point. Here it is: the Gin and Titonic is an ice mold that makes Titanic-shaped and iceberg-shaped cubes to collide and capsize in your cocktail. Death! Destruction! Hazy remembrances of a shirtless Leo DiCaprio… All captured in one magical moment!

It’s not actually that funny to make jokes about hundreds of people who drowned a long time ago, but then again, clinky icy icebergs and ships! In your glass! So much better than a stupid, lame CUBE. Or that crappy crushed ice that melts in 2 seconds. If I WANTED a gin and tonic SLUSHY I woulda gone to 7-11, shoot. I’m talking to you, crushed ice abusers. You know who you are.

Oh, right, back to useful details. You can’t buy it at these places, designed by Fred & Friends, yada yada yada.