I find it funny that there are so many recipes for brittle that say things like “3/4 cup sugar, 1/4 cup water, 1/2 cup nuts” and so forth. First of all, the water measurement is totally pointless, because to get sugar to caramelize into brittle, all the water has to boil off first. So let’s say you start with 1/4 cup of sugar and 1/2 cup water. That will make brittle after the water all boils off and the sugar can caramelize. Now let’s say you start with 1/4 cup of sugar and 19 cups of water. That will STILL make brittle, eventually, after several hours when all the water boils off. For you see, the sugar can’t caramelize until ALL THE WATER BOILS OFF. This is science!

The second thing is that you do not need a candy thermometer as many recipes call for. You know why? Because you have EYES. When the sugar makes its magical metamorphosis into brittledom it TURNS BROWN. If you use a thermometer to make brittle you are either a masochist or you can’t tell when something clear turns brown. If the second thing describes you then make it with a friend who can visually discriminate between different colors better than you, and problem solved.

So here is what you need for brittle. You need some sugar. How much, ish? Well I don’t know, how much brittle do you want? I usually throw around a cup in a heavy pot. But I certainly don’t measure it. Add some water. If you add 19 cups of water you will wait a very long time so just add a bit of water so the sugar is like really wet sand. It’s OK if it’s not really really wet or if it is really really wet because it is all going to go away. Turn on the flame on medium high and don’t stir it. Wait for science to occur. We will get back to that in a minute.

Meanwhile, once it’s over heat, you have a few other tasks to take care of. Don’t worry, because the magic of caramelization takes awhile–like 10 minutes or more. Start by getting out a piece of parchment paper and putting it on a flat pan. Set it aside. If the pan is wonky find a different pan because wonky will make brittle that’s thicker in parts and thinner in parts. Of course if that happens you should pretend you did that on purpose.

Now you need to dig around in your freezer and around your kitchen to figure out what you’re going to put in the brittle. Usually nuts are the first thought. But that’s probably because I have a lot of different kinds of nuts in my freezer. You can do citrus zest, candied fruit or candied ginger chopped up, coconut, and the like. It’s good to do a mixture. It almost never turns out poorly no matter what you put in it, unless you put fresh things in like raspberries or raw hamburger meat. So don’t put fresh things in. The hot sugar will make them gross. Also hamburger in brittle is gross. Why are you putting that in? You are not using common sense.

How much of these non-fresh mixed things should you put in? I’m going to go with “a handful.” Should you chop them? I don’t know, how big are they? How lazy are you? These are the questions you can ask yourself to make these decisions. Usually I chop larger nuts into smallish but not tiny pieces. But you can also just roll over them with a rolling pin or leave them big. Again, whatever you do, you must pretend that’s what you meant to do and not just something you did out of laziness.

OK! Now your sugar and water is bubbling away on the stove and you have a pile of chopped or non-chopped nuts and maybe something else. You need to check in on the sugar every once in awhile because when the water boils off and the temperature rises, the magic science will happen. The sugar will start to get a little yellow. At this point you should throw in your nuts and stir them with a wooden spoon or silicone spatula but only enough to mix them in and not more. You will want to stir it and mess with it more but you should not do any of those things. This is because of a different kind of science called crystallization. If you agitate the sugar too much it will start to form crystals, and then your brittle will be cloudy and your friends will shun your crappy unprofessional brittle and you will probably lose your job and have to become homeless. All because of SCIENCE. So you see, science can work for or against you. It can also ruin your life.

But I digress! You have carefully stirred in your accoutrements and the sugar is still darkening. Wait until it gets to be a pretty dark amber brown color. It will look darker in the pot than it actually is. Remember, you are not stirring it. You are perhaps swirling it a tad. That should be OK. Turn it off and carefully pour it onto the parchment. Grab the sides of the pan and move it all around to distribute the brittle. Wait until it gets hard. That will happen pretty fast. Break it into shards. Bask in the glory.

I need to mention that there is another kind of science that can work against you in this process which is called BURNING. Did you know the scientific term for “burning” is “burning”? I thought there would be a cooler, science-ier word for it but Google says no. Google also says that “science-ier” is not a word but I don’t care what they say. Anyway, caramelized sugar is really hot. How hot? I don’t know, because I already mentioned that I’m not using a thermometer, but I will say it is hella hot. It also sticks to you so it’s hard to get off your skin quickly and it latches on the continue burning you. So be careful.

That was a very long description for something that I said was easy to make. The how-to, in sum, for those who dislike incessant rambling:

• Prepare a piece of parchment on a flat pan.
• Put some sugar and a bit of water in a pot over medium high heat.
• When it turns brown turn off the heat and add nuts and other stuff.
• Pour it onto a parchment and move the pan to distribute it.
• Wait until it hardens and crack it up.
• Be careful the whole time because it’s hotter than you think.

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The question everyone asks is… how do you get the frosting inside? Once the cupcakes have cooled, you can make the frosting and put it into a large pastry bag with a big star tip. Turn the cupcakes upside down, shove the star tip into their behinds, and squeeze. The cupcake has some air pockets in it, so there is a surprising amount of space for the frosting. You will be able to feel when it’s “full” and the tip will sort of pop out.

Once you’ve filled them all, you can pass over with a knife to clean up any excess icing. To put the glaze on, I take the filled cupcakes and gently swirl them in the warm chocolate glaze. You have to use the glaze at about 100 degrees F or it won’t set properly. Since 100 degrees is just above body temperature, there is an easy way to test for 100F without a thermometer. Dab a little glaze in the indentation that’s just below the middle of your lower lip (a very sensitive part of the body that interprets temperature well.) The glaze should feel just slightly warm but not too hot.

To make the designs on top, just hold out a little of the vanilla frosting in a bowl. Thin it out with milk a bit and put it in a ziploc bag. Cut a small hole and start looping. If you really want it to look right, with the chocolate and the loops melded together, prepare your bag of piping icing before you start the glaze process and do it right away. Then the loosened vanilla frosting will melt into the glaze a bit and look authentic. Since she’s a Laura I made the loop-de-loops more L-like in her honor.

I have also made these with a filling more akin to a whoopie pie filling, which is also a very good way to go, and even more Hostess-like.

Here are the recipes to go with the process described above:

Dark Chocolate Cupcakes

makes 18 cupcakes

Ingredients:

• 1 cup sugar
• 1 3/4 cup cake flour
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 3/4 tsp baking soda
• 5 1/2 Tblsp butter, cut in pieces
• 1/3 cup vegetable oil
• 3/4 cup dark cocoa powder
• 3/4 cup water
• 1 egg
• 1 egg yolk
• 3/4 cup buttermilk

Method:

• Heat oven to 375. Prepare cupcake pans with foil liners and nonstick spray.
• In a large bowl, sift together sugar, flour, salt, and baking soda.
• Over low heat, warm the butter, oil, cocoa powder, and water, until the butter is melted. Whisk until smooth.
• Stir the warm liquids into the dry ingredients and mix with a wooden spoon or spatula to fully combine.
• Add eggs, vanilla, and buttermilk and stir until smooth. You may need to use a whisk to get it completely smooth.
• Fill cupcake liners to 3/4 full. Bake about 15 minutes until center of cupcakes spring back when you touch them. Cool completely before filling.

Vanilla Frosting Filling

The secret to making this frosting light and fluffy is just to beat the hell out of it.

Ingredients:

• 1 stick (1/2 cup) butter, softened
• about 4 cups powdered sugar
• 1/4 cup milk
• 1 tsp vanilla

Method:

• Put butter, 2 cups powdered sugar, milk, and vanilla in the bowl of an electric mixer with the paddle attachment. Beat a few minutes on high, until very creamy.
• Add remaining powdered sugar, 1/2 cup at a time, and continue beating until thick and creamy. Add more powdered sugar as needed to get the desired thickness.
• Keep beating on high for about 5 more minutes and the frosting will be fluffy as a cloud!
• This icing will harden if chilled, so use at room temperature and don’t make it too far in advance of when you’ll be using it.

Chocolate Glaze

Ingredients:

• 1 cup dark chocolate chips or chopped chocolate
• 1 stick (1/2 cup) butter, cut in pieces
• 1 Tblsp corn syrup

Method:

• Heat everything together in a saucepan over very low heat so you don’t burn the chocolate. When the chocolate is about half melted, turn off heat and keep stirring to fully melt.
• Use this at about 100 degrees F or it won’t set properly. Since 100 degrees is just above body temperature, there is an easy way to test for 100F without a thermometer. Dab a little glaze in the indentation that’s just below the middle of your lower lip (a very sensitive part of the body that interprets temperature well.) The glaze should feel just slightly warm but not too hot.

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• super easy
• gluten-free
• dairy-free
• eaten up in mere moments
• good for passover, as they are not leavened (I’m not Jewish, but I know how that stuff works)

Lately, you can’t escape food lovers and cooks waxing poetic about the latest baking craze: macarons. I get it. They are oh so lovely to look at. They are small and colorful. They are so de rigeur. But I actually don’t think they taste that great. I think they taste meh. Even the really really really good ones. I’m just not into them. There, I said it. My name is Karen and I don’t think macarons taste that great.

So let me dispel your confusion: this recipe is not for macarons with one o, it is for macaroons with two os. I have always (rightly or wrongly? who knows) thought of the one-o macarons as being a French thing, and the two-o macaroon as being an American thing. Anyone know if that’s true? And two-os are not adorable little sandwiches of prettily colored, perfectly round discs, they are blobs of coconutty goodness.

Maybe it was the one-o vs. two-o inferiority complex, maybe it’s because they looked like albino McDonald’s fry guys, or maybe it’s just because I am frickin’ fancy- but I put gold leaf on them. It was Tuesday. No one expects gold leaf on a Tuesday.

Pillowy Coconut Macaroons

makes 16… unless you make them freakishly small or freakishly large, in which case it will make a different amount

Ingredients:

• 3 egg whites (as with one-o macarons, using old egg whites is acceptable/encouraged)
• large pinch of salt
• 2 Tablespoons sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 cups sweetened coconut (I use the “angel flake” kind, but maybe it’s just good marketing)

Method:

• Preheat oven to 350. Prepare a baking sheet with a silpat, parchment, or cooking spray.
• Put egg whites and salt in a mixer with a whisk attachment and beat until the whites form very soft peaks.
• Add sugar and continue beating until the whites form stiff peaks.
• Gently fold the vanilla and coconut (the vanilla part will be awkward and streaky at first, but it will all work out in the end.)
• Use your hands to gently grab a wad of dough and form it into a circular mound shape.
• Bake for 15-20 minutes, until macaroons are lightly browned but still soft inside. Remove to a wire rack for cooling. Unlike most cookies, these don’t taste that great when they’re hot- they are better at room temperature.

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It was near perfect… the sour cream filling comes out kind of like a cookie texture, studded with strawberries. Next time I will probably add vanilla extract to the filling, and a few more strawberries. It was a big hit with the guests.

A note: it would be a CRIME to serve this pie without ice cream.

Get the recipe from Worth the Whisk here

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I’m happy to report that my worries were totally unfounded. This is a case where the sum of the parts greatly exceeds the parts on their own. This is a fantastic crisp recipe- perfectly balanced sweetness, a nice contrast of textures, and easy as heck to put together. And in case you were wondering, pairing it with Bi-Rite Creamery’s brown sugar ice cream with a ginger caramel swirl is not the worst idea, either.

You can get the recipe here (posted in the New York Times.)

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This recipe combines two delicious things: wine and cake! This cake is moist and flavorful, with a tender crumb and rich flavor- thanks in part to the “secret” ingredient: red wine in both the cake batter and the glaze.

Red Wine Coffee Cake
Makes 1 bundt cake

Ingredients:
•    1/2 cup butter, melted
•    3/4 cup sugar
•    1/2 cup brown sugar, loosely packed
•    2 eggs
•    1 teaspoon cinnamon
•    1 teaspoon allspice
•    1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
•    2 1/4 cups flour
•    large pinch of salt
•    3/4 cup red wine

Method:
•    Preheat oven to 350. Grease a bundt or tube pan liberally with spray, butter, or vegetable oil.
•    Using a mixer, combine melted butter and sugars and mix until well blended.
•    Add eggs and beat for about 3-5 minutes, until mixture is fluffy.
•    Combine orange zest, cinnamon, allspice, baking powder, flour, and salt in a bowl. Add about 1/3 of the dry ingredients and 1/3 of the wine and mix gently. Repeat twice until all ingredients are added and thoroughly mixed together.
•    Spoon the batter into prepared pan and spread to even out. Bake for 30-40 minutes. Cake is done when a toothpick in the center comes out clean.
•    Let cool in the pan for about 15 minutes. Flip onto baking rack and let cool to room temperature.

For the glaze:
Combine 1/2 cup red wine and 2 cups sifted powdered sugar in a small saucepan with a whisk over medium heat. Bring to a boil then turn off the heat and continue whisking until there are no lumps. Let cool 15 minutes then pour or spoon over the cake.

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Divine! Although I did dump it out and realize it wasn’t done yet, so I had to re-upside-down it, cook it some more, then re-un-upside-down it. It worked surprisingly well in the end although there was a period of severe swearing that involved liquid hot caramel magma all over the kitchen and my pants, but the cake looked good after all that so no big deal in the end.

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So the deal is that you make a caramel sauce, put it in a pan, put fruit in the pan, cake batter on top, and then when it’s hot from the oven you have to flip it over right away or else the caramel part hardens and you can’t flip it out. One time I made two of these- one in a square pan with mangoes, and one in a round pan with bananas. I flipped the banana one out OK, but the square pan made it really hard to flip. I solicited my big sister’s help and before you knew it, there were sticky mangoes and cake on the floor and I was trying to pin the blame all on my sister despite her loud protestations. But it was TOTALLY her fault.

Caramel-y Banana Upside-Down Cake

Ingredients:

• 3 bananas, cut in slices (I like them sliced lengthwise for the look of it, but you can slice them however you like)
• about 3/4 cup sugar (more if you want more caramel action)
• 1/2 cup (1 cube) butter
• 1 tsp vanilla or a splash of bourbon
• 2 cups flour
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 1 tsp powdered ginger or 1 tsp fresh grated ginger
• 1 tsp allspice
• big pinch salt
• 1 egg
• 3/4 cup milk

Method:

• Preheat the oven to 375.
• Arrange cut fruit in the bottom of a pie plate.
• Combine 3/4 cup (or more) sugar with equal parts water in a pan. Put over high heat and wait until the sugar turns amber colored. When it does, turn off heat and add 3 Tablespoons of the butter and the vanilla (or bourbon) and swirl the pan to melt and combine. Immediately pour the mixture over the fruit.
• In a mixer, combine the flour, 1/2 cup sugar, baking powder, spices, and salt (If you like more spice, feel free to double the spice amounts.)
• Cut up the remaining 5 tablespoons butter into small pieces and carefully mix into the dry ingredients, on low speed. Don’t get the butter all incorporated or the cake will be chewy, not tender. Leave the butter in smallish pieces (around the size of peas.)
• Stop the mixer and put the egg and milk in. Mix just until incorporated, still being careful about keeping the butter in discernible pieces.
• Spread the dough over the fruit/caramel action. Cook for about 20-25 minutes, until a toothpick comes out clean.
• When it comes out, flip it over within about 5 minutes or it will stick. It should come out super easily. Put a plate on top of the pan, grip it with potholders and flip it quickly.
• Don’t ask your sister to help you or it might fall on the floor.

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I received an issue of Bon Appetit in the mail the other day. I have no idea why since I don’t subscribe to it or any other food magazines because if I did, then what would I read at my Mom’s house? I thank the magazine gods because in this particular issue Molly from Orangette wrote a story about British flapjacks and included a recipe. I give it four thumbs up: 2 for the story and 2 for the recipe.

To quote the article: “…about two chews in, the flavor came: deep and hearty, the way good oatmeal can be . . . You take a bite, and it tastes good, if a little wholesome. But you keep chewing, and in a second or two, the flavor opens up threefold, big and toasty and rich, and your salivary glands start going, and you think, This is delicious. I don’t know what this thing is, but I’m going to need another.” Amen, sister. That’s a perfect description of the experience.

Next time I’m going to adulterate them with dried cherries or chopped dates or coconut or nuts or all of the above.

Here’s the recipe.

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They weren’t quite as dark red as we wanted but they sure were velvety! They were kind of dense and pound cake-y. Yum! The recipe is adapted from a Paula Deen recipe- I mean, how can you NOT trust a woman who puts Velveeta in chocolate fudge?

Red Velvet Cupcakes
Makes about 16 cupcakes.

Ingredients:

• 1 stick butter at room temp
• 1/4 cup crisco
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 4 eggs
• 1/2 ounce of liquid red food coloring
• 2 teaspoons vanilla
• 1 1/2 cups pastry/cake flour
• pinch salt
• 1/2 cup milk

Method:

• Preheat oven to 325 and prepare cupcake pan with papers.
• Cream butter, crisco, and sugar in a mixer until fluffy.
• Add eggs one at a time, beating after each time.
• Add food coloring and vanilla and mix.
• Add half the flour and half the milk and mix well. Add the rest of the flour and milk, and the salt, and mix until blended together.
• Pour or ladle into cupcake papers. Bake about 40 minutes, until a toothpick comes out clean. Cool before frosting.

Frosting:

Ingredients:

• 3 oz. cream cheese
• 1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter at room temp
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 1/2 pound powdered sugar plus a little more if needed

Method:

• Mix butter, cream cheese, and vanilla in a mixer til smooth.
• Add the sugar about a cup at a time, beating until creamy. Add more sugar if too thin or add a little bit of milk if too thick.

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